Neologisms

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

The Washington Post, as well as being the home of Watergate, also happens to be home to some of the funniest sports writers around, including Tony Kornheiser and Norman Chad.

Travel Notes

Aggravating – Arriva Trains Wales has greeted the New Year by putting their prices up. My daily ticket has gone up by 9%. Thanks guys. That’s a great way to encourage people out of their cars and onto the trains. For the new higher priced ticket, I usually have the privilege of standing up for the entire evening journey home to Pontypridd.

Enjoyable – If you’re planning your summer holidays or any trip away, then Trip Advisor is an indispensable tool. It has hotel reviews from travellers as well as tips on sights to see and local insights. Very useful.

Thought for the day – Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

TV Notes – Things I hate about TV

The Vicar of Dibley, or more specifically Dawn French, and other woeful Christmas specials.

Ant. Or is it Dec? Well, both of them actually.

Reality TV shows. Shows for wannabes like Big Brother and the X-Factor, and shows for B- and C-list celebrities doing show jumping, ice skating and ballroom dancing. Just whose reality is it? It certainly isn’t mine.

Things I like about TV

Torchwood. That’s about it right now. At least until the new series of House and The Sopranos. So here’s a link to Uncle Wilco’s Torchwood fan site.

TV PS: Its full name is the “remote control”, but frankly, we control nothing.

TV Ad Notes

Note to the razor people: I'm pretty sure that I don’t need five blades to take a shave in the morning. We used to get by with just one and two was the standard for years, but now it’s just got out of control.

And what happened to the word “pounds” in TV ads? Nowadays a sofa costs “just three nine five”. 395 of what exactly? Beans?

Link of the Week

You can create a map showing the countries of the world that you have visited at this site, or a map of visited US states. You can then stick them up on your blog or website, just as I have done on my Flickr profile.

Rugby Notes

Here’s a link to a picture of the Ebbw crowd at Llandovery on Boxing Day. It was Hawaiian shirt and santa hat day (exactly why, nobody knows), and Wally, Geezer, Milo and co look resplendent. As usual though, Mike “shocking” has got his parka on.

NFL Notes

Sports Illustrated’s Peter King has a far better preview of the forthcoming NFL playoff games than I can ever manage.