Things you wish you could say at work…

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of it.
2. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
4. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
5. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
6. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
7. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
8. Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are an artist.
10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
11. It’s a thankless job but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Do I look like a people person?
13. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
14. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
15. Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer.
16. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
17. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
18. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
19. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
20. How do I set a laser printer to stun?