Parallel parking - Bosh, straight in. first time.Opening jars - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
Sharpening a pencil with a stanley knife - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle?
Going to the tip - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
Drinking up - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard. (OK, not my strong suit, this one.)
Having a thin bit of wood - In the shed, solely to stir paint with.
Using power tools - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb.
Carving the roast - And saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
Phone calls that last less than a minute - Unlike women, we get straight to the point: "Alright? Yep. Drink? Rugby Club? Seven it is then. See ya."
Having earned that pint - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
Knowing which screwdriver is which - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, woman?"
Taking a newspaper into the loo - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized movement.
Old Joke Notes
Q: Why should you never replace your sandwich toaster?
A: Better the Breville you know.
Book of the Week
Here’s a link to a book that’s been written by an old Brynmawr cricket club colleague, Michael Cole. It’s called The Sigma Code, and available from a select band of good book shops. My local rag, the Gwent Gazette has the whole story.
Link of the Week
http://www.spatial-literacy.org/ is a great website which shows where your surname comes from. This map of Veale seems to come from the south west of England, which ties in with existing family links – there are a few distant Veales down Minehead way.
Garden Notes
The RSPB is carrying out its annual birdwatch. Have a look in your garden and report your findings on this website.
The top 10 for Rhondda Cynon Taff area in 2006 were:
1 house sparrow
2 chaffinch
3 blue tit
4 blackbird
5 starling
6 greenfinch
7 jackdaw
8 robin
9 great tit
10 magpie
During an unscientific and occasional study of my bird table in the garden today I spotted: blue tit, willow tit, dunnock, collared dove, greenfinch, robin, blackbird and magpie.
Rugby Notes
Another win for Ebbw Vale on Saturday, this time a 25-19 victory at home to Bedwas. It was a game we should have put away early on, but we failed to put enough points on the board to give ourselves a safety margin. As with the Swansea game a couple of weeks ago, the final whistle came as we were pinned back on our own goal line battling to save the game.
Someone on the terrace said that the best team lost. Bedwas were probably the best team for the last ten minutes when they played with some belief: if they had shown the same endeavour earlier in the game they could easily have come away with the win.
Young hooker Ben Roberts showed well and the pack was again a force to be reckoned with. Bedwas’ pack fronted up well though, and played up to and beyond the laws. The referee did little to restrain them and the game ended up being very frustrating and a pretty poor spectacle.
Scorers: Two tries for Andrew McLaughlan and one each for wings Simon Hunt and Gareth Miles. One long range penalty for Dai Langdon and one conversion for Bryan Shelbourne.
Highlight: Ebbw’s first try was a cracker. From the first line-out in Ebbw territory a rolling maul rumbled for 20 yards before the ball was released across the back line for Macca to score wide out. Magnificent.
Lowlight: That score should have opened the floodgates, but a succession of missed kicks at goal and handling errors kept the score close. Teams need to be put away early and not given endless chances to come back into the game.
Bizarre moment: Referee Neil Ballard had a few strange moments. He awarded a mark to the Bedwas fullback despite the ball bouncing straight out of his hands. Apparently its enough nowadays to simply get a hand on the ball to get the mark. Just one of the strange/unusual/shocking decisions – but worryingly nothing worse than was expected.
Title chase: There are just 6 leagues left for Ebbw, and we currently hold a 6 point lead. The next game is a month away, and the injury-plagued squad could use the rest. Next up on Saturday 17 February when we host Swansea in the last 16 of the Konica Minolta Cup.
TV
Rugby Thoughts
Ten things I think I think following the weekend’s Six Nations games:
1. I think the Wales and Ireland was a magnificent game. Shame about the other two games over the weekend.
2. I think Matthew Rees and Aled Brew were serious downgrades when they came on as replacements for Rhys Thomas and Hal Luscombe. And Chris Czekaj needs to be stronger. He got stopped and turned far too easily.
3. I think that we’re still waiting for James Hook’s moment of magic. The magic belonged to O’Driscoll and D’Arcy yesterday.
4. I think that the bright spots for Wales were the play of Dwayne Peel and Kevin Morgan, and the energy of the pack.
5. I think referee Kelvin Deaker was way too lenient on Ireland. Four examples:
- He let Ireland delay their line out on numerous occasions when they couldn’t get the calls heard.
- Ireland got away with slowing down the ball at ruck and maul way too often
- Easterby’s kicking the ball out of Peel’s hands while lying in a ruck should have been a yellow card
- Easterby’s tackle on Czekaj when he didn’t have the ball was worthy of at least a penalty. He ref gave nothing.
6. I think Dennis Hickie looked like Terry Butcher with all that claret running down his face.
7. I think Jonathan Davies is an idiot. The most insightful he got through the whole match was to shout “numbers” or “there’s no full back”. Genius. Well worth the TV licence fee.
8. I think Jonny’s back. So are England. They’ve got a great half back pairing – Harry Ellis looks like a very useful scrum half.
9. I think that the TV match official should be sacked for allowing Jonny Wilkinson’s try when his foot was clearly in touch. It was a great effort, but it wasn’t a try.
10. I think that the ref’s decision at the Wales and Ireland U20 game was even worse. He should have used the TV review instead of making one of the worst calls in recent years when denying Wales’ Tom James a try. Replays showed that James was nowhere near the touchline yet the ref awarded a lineout.
Superbowl Notes
Hated watching the whining Peyton Manning win the Superbowl. Every mistake was blamed on someone else on his team. And to challenge a call because you tried to be sneaky and catch the Bears changing their formation was low.
In the end there was a certain inevitability about their 29-17 win. Devin Hester’s TD run from the kickoff only served to give the game a little balance. Rex Grossman was as bad as the previews suggested. Peyton won the MVP award simply because nobody stood out on this particular rain-soaked Miami evening.
As for the TV coverage, as least Sky had the sense to use the official CBS commentators of Jim Nance and Phil Simms, infinitely better than any UK dumbed-down crew.
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