Joke Notes

Tim Vine won the best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe this year with this inspired one-liner:

“I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.”

I saw Time Vine at the Sherman Theatre in Cardiff a couple of years ago, and missed half the jokes because I was still laughing at the last one.

Inspired. And fabulously silly.

The rest of the Top 10:

2. David Gibson (as Ray Green): ''I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.''

3. Emo Philips: ''I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.''

4. Jack Whitehall: ''I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.''

5. Gary Delaney: ''As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.''

6. John Bishop: ''Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.''

7. Bo Burnham: ''What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.''

8. Gary Delaney: ''Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.''

9. Robert White: ''For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.''

10. Gareth Richards: ''Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub.''